This time of season always makes me start to think about my life. I guess it’s kinda comes from the saying, in with the new and out with the old. I always try to rediscover myself during the spring season…not sure why but it always happens.
So I was sitting at my desk today trying to decide what needs to change in my life. I’ve had many changes over the last several years but it just doesn’t seem like enough.
There are two things that are on my list that are up for review. And something has happened recently that has made me think. I kept looking back at my life and all the choices I have made and I can’t help but think “what if”. What if I would have done this and what if I would have done that. My life would be completely different. I have a habit of sucking up my life and not trying to make myself happier. I have a habit of sitting back and saying…this must be it for me. Nothing better is going to come my way (Ugh that negative thought process has got to stop one day)
Well, I can’t do it anymore. Nothing is going to change unless I stand up and make that change. (Am I sounding like the big O..LOL) So as I reviewed my options today and discussed some things with Mitch this morning I’ve decided to stand up and stop thinking that this is all the better it will get. Because I deserve more!
So at lunch today I started to make that change and now lets see where it will take me.
Wish me luck on the journey I am about ready to take…I could get bumpy!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Post Secrets
I'm an avid reader of Post Secrets. (PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard)
If you want to know more go to http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/
Anyway, every Sunday I go out and read post secrets but this Sunday I actually took the time to register on the site. It's an interesting community...although most secret that are posted are a little on the dark side.
So I was breezing through one of the forums and found this secret.
I don't feel this way today, but there are several day's I do feel this way. I do feel completely alone. Even when I'm with friends sometimes I feel so detached and distant. It sucks on those days. Luckily as summer arrives these days are become less and less....yeah summer!
Ok...off for a quick run. Its been 2 weeks since I ran last because of my back strain. I'm hoping to pound out 3 miles today. Well see how this goes. *crossing fingers*
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Happy Day's / Sad Day's
So I can finally tell everyone. It’s been hard to keep a secret but now I can gab!!!
My brother, his wife and myself are taking my mom on a Bahama’s cruise for her 60th birthday!!! How exciting is that?!! It was hysterical because mom was so excited and then she got confused. She looked at us and said “Oh Bob is going with me?” Which if anyone knows my stepdad he is not a big traveler so if he were to actually go it would have been an even bigger surprise. We both looked at her and said “No, Bob is not going with you”. She then had a slightly frightened look on her face and blurted out “but I don’t want to go by myself”. We just laughed…it was so typical, it was priceless. We consider that a blonde moment for her!
We did clarify to her that she was not going alone that we were going to accompany her on the cruise. She was so excited and could not believe we did this for her.
The reason for taking her on a cruise was because mom loves to travel and we haven’t taken a vacation together in years. We thought that time spent with our mom would be the best gift we could ever give her. And yes I am going to take an insane amount of pictures and will have to post them for everyone to see.
The only problem with giving her the best gift ever is what are we going to do next year? Oh well, Guess I will figure that one out later.
Doggie update
This breaks my heart. I have three great dogs and unfortunately they are getting up there in age and their bodies are getting run down. My rottie is sick. She may have cancer in two breasts.
Here is what I do know:
1) she has a tumor / growth in her back breasts and one of them has grown 4X its size in the last 4 months. Not a good sign
2) She is in pain because she has arthritis in her joints so getting up is very difficult.
3) She is still a good size and gained a pound…which is a positive thing.
4) She is around 10 which is at the end of her life expectancy
So I’ve taken her to the vet and these are my options:
1) Get a biopsy - Cost $366
a. if positive for cancer – my decision is to put her down.
b. if negative move to option 2
2) Remove the breasts – which is a very painful operation and takes a long time to heal. She will also have a 12 inch incision in her. Cost $800-$1000.
3) Do nothing and keep her on pain medication until either a) the tumor bursts, b) she is in to much pain or c) she dies (God I hope its this one!)
I know logically I really need to put her down…she is in pain, old and has had a good life. However emotionally I’m struggling, even typing this I’m crying. Its hard to be the one who decided when life ends. Especially an animal you have cared for with all your heart and all she wants anymore is just love. She limps over to me every night and wants to be loved on for hours. Ugh…this is upsetting. I know she’s in pain…I know she hurts…I can’t let go.
I can’t talk about it anymore…it hurts me to much!!!
My brother, his wife and myself are taking my mom on a Bahama’s cruise for her 60th birthday!!! How exciting is that?!! It was hysterical because mom was so excited and then she got confused. She looked at us and said “Oh Bob is going with me?” Which if anyone knows my stepdad he is not a big traveler so if he were to actually go it would have been an even bigger surprise. We both looked at her and said “No, Bob is not going with you”. She then had a slightly frightened look on her face and blurted out “but I don’t want to go by myself”. We just laughed…it was so typical, it was priceless. We consider that a blonde moment for her!
We did clarify to her that she was not going alone that we were going to accompany her on the cruise. She was so excited and could not believe we did this for her.
The reason for taking her on a cruise was because mom loves to travel and we haven’t taken a vacation together in years. We thought that time spent with our mom would be the best gift we could ever give her. And yes I am going to take an insane amount of pictures and will have to post them for everyone to see.
The only problem with giving her the best gift ever is what are we going to do next year? Oh well, Guess I will figure that one out later.
Doggie update
This breaks my heart. I have three great dogs and unfortunately they are getting up there in age and their bodies are getting run down. My rottie is sick. She may have cancer in two breasts.
Here is what I do know:
1) she has a tumor / growth in her back breasts and one of them has grown 4X its size in the last 4 months. Not a good sign
2) She is in pain because she has arthritis in her joints so getting up is very difficult.
3) She is still a good size and gained a pound…which is a positive thing.
4) She is around 10 which is at the end of her life expectancy
So I’ve taken her to the vet and these are my options:
1) Get a biopsy - Cost $366
a. if positive for cancer – my decision is to put her down.
b. if negative move to option 2
2) Remove the breasts – which is a very painful operation and takes a long time to heal. She will also have a 12 inch incision in her. Cost $800-$1000.
3) Do nothing and keep her on pain medication until either a) the tumor bursts, b) she is in to much pain or c) she dies (God I hope its this one!)
I know logically I really need to put her down…she is in pain, old and has had a good life. However emotionally I’m struggling, even typing this I’m crying. Its hard to be the one who decided when life ends. Especially an animal you have cared for with all your heart and all she wants anymore is just love. She limps over to me every night and wants to be loved on for hours. Ugh…this is upsetting. I know she’s in pain…I know she hurts…I can’t let go.
I can’t talk about it anymore…it hurts me to much!!!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Did you Miss me?
Wow, it’s been a while since I actually updated my blog and boy do I have a lot to talk about. I will add pictures of everything later...had to get all this typed out:)
Valentines Ski trip
On Tuesday Feb 17 Mitch took me to Swiss Valley Ski Resort in Michigan. We drove up on Monday, stayed the night and the next day went skiing. Love skiing. It was warm, which was nice.
The resort had about 8 slopes on them. It was fun getting back up on ski again. Mitch hasn’t skied in over 10 or 15 years. But it really didn’t take him to much time to get his ski legs on.
This was the first time I ever used a tow rope…and I have to say “OUCH”. This tow rope was nothing but a rope…nothing to hold onto. So when you grab a hold of the rope it yanks you forward and you arms feel like they are going to be pulled right out of the sockets. I went up the hill about 8 times before my arms had enough and I finally had to stop.
Mitch paid for a private session for the both of us which I couldn’t believe how much that helped out. The instructor was really good at identifying what you were doing wrong and explaining how to correct it.
After an hour of lessons we were off to the slopes to practice. Well, actually I practiced and Mitch just had fun. By the end of the day I was tired but didn’t want to go home. Swiss Valley is a nice place for beginners to go.
It was a fantastic end to my valentines!
Polar Bear Run
Yes, I am still running. I am completely crazy. So Dawn convinced me to do the Polar Bear Run which was a 5 mile run. I was actually excited about doing this.
Normally I would run with Dawn however Dawn wanted to run for her which I was alright with. The good thing was she brought this other lady that ran about my pace so she was able to run with me.
I did the best time yet. I ran 5 miles in a 10:54 pace! I normally run about an 11:30 pace. I couldn’t believe it. It was a long run and I did go home and take a nap but I felt really good that day.
I plan on running another one soon. Let see if I can make it throw the Mini training!!
Group Ski Trip
This was a long trip that five of us went on. It was Beth, Kelly, Drew, Me and Mitch. We left on Thursday (drove 9 hours) to pentosky Michigan. We stayed at this hotel / resort that was between three ski resorts ( Boyne Mountain, Boyne Highlands and Nul Nub) ….we went to two Boyne Mountain and Boyne Highland.
The first place we skied was Boyne Mountain. It was good because the Green Slopes were realy easy…almost to easy. Some of them were so flat that you had to push your way through the slope. Those I didn’t enjoy.
At one point Mitch and I felt a little daring and decided to try a blue slope. Now let me just say there are times in life when you realize more about yourself then you would ever want to know. I discovered I have a great fear of heights than I thought.
So we headed down the blue slope and at first I was thinking “oh! This isn’t that bad, I can do this” then all of the sudden the slope turned left and there in front of me was this realy realy really steep slope. Yes, I panicked. I stopped and started to freak out. Now the sad thing was there we kids buzzing right by me.
Mitch was the brave one and decided to go ahead down the mountain, uhhh, I mean slope. I was frozen I couldn’t move. What do I do? My heart was racing and I was actually panicking. Geezzz, this is ridiculous. I can do this. So I started to go and then I just couldn’t go any more. So I took my skis off and started to walk down the slope. Ski boots and snow don’t mix well so after about the third time I almost toppled over I decided may the best way down would be to sit and skoot down the slope.
OH! YES! It was completely humiliating! Here I was a grown woman and I couldn’t make it down a stupid slope. But I just tucked my head and made it down the slope and didn’t look back.
Later on that day, after another completely humiliating experience, I realized that my fear of heights really does get to me. If I’m skiing down a slope that has a lot of turns and is steep I’m alright, no fear. But when I’m looking straight down a slope and can see the bottom of the slope I freak out. The slope seems much steeper than it really is. My fear is overwhelming. It irritates me to no end that I am scared.
Anyway, we finished off that day and I was exhausted. Ready to go back to the hotel room and relax.
Next day we headed to Boyne Highlands. Much better slopes. The greens weren’t to easy and the few blues I skied on weren’t to hard. It was good. However somewhere on the trip I pulled my inner thigh muscle and by the end of the trip I was hurting. Which ment that I couldn’t run my 6 miles on Sunday and I haven’t been able to run since.
Birthday
And for all of you who didn’t know Sunday was my Birthday….so Happy Birthday to Me. Next year I am planning my own birthday party and inviting everyone. I really miss having a birthday party.
I know I sound so vain but what ever. I was not happy turning 34 I felt so old but maybe because my birthday is not special to me. So I’m hoping that next year I can make it special and something to look forward to.
So call me vain!!!! But
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!
Valentines Ski trip
On Tuesday Feb 17 Mitch took me to Swiss Valley Ski Resort in Michigan. We drove up on Monday, stayed the night and the next day went skiing. Love skiing. It was warm, which was nice.
The resort had about 8 slopes on them. It was fun getting back up on ski again. Mitch hasn’t skied in over 10 or 15 years. But it really didn’t take him to much time to get his ski legs on.
This was the first time I ever used a tow rope…and I have to say “OUCH”. This tow rope was nothing but a rope…nothing to hold onto. So when you grab a hold of the rope it yanks you forward and you arms feel like they are going to be pulled right out of the sockets. I went up the hill about 8 times before my arms had enough and I finally had to stop.
Mitch paid for a private session for the both of us which I couldn’t believe how much that helped out. The instructor was really good at identifying what you were doing wrong and explaining how to correct it.
After an hour of lessons we were off to the slopes to practice. Well, actually I practiced and Mitch just had fun. By the end of the day I was tired but didn’t want to go home. Swiss Valley is a nice place for beginners to go.
It was a fantastic end to my valentines!
Polar Bear Run
Yes, I am still running. I am completely crazy. So Dawn convinced me to do the Polar Bear Run which was a 5 mile run. I was actually excited about doing this.
Normally I would run with Dawn however Dawn wanted to run for her which I was alright with. The good thing was she brought this other lady that ran about my pace so she was able to run with me.
I did the best time yet. I ran 5 miles in a 10:54 pace! I normally run about an 11:30 pace. I couldn’t believe it. It was a long run and I did go home and take a nap but I felt really good that day.
I plan on running another one soon. Let see if I can make it throw the Mini training!!
Group Ski Trip
This was a long trip that five of us went on. It was Beth, Kelly, Drew, Me and Mitch. We left on Thursday (drove 9 hours) to pentosky Michigan. We stayed at this hotel / resort that was between three ski resorts ( Boyne Mountain, Boyne Highlands and Nul Nub) ….we went to two Boyne Mountain and Boyne Highland.
The first place we skied was Boyne Mountain. It was good because the Green Slopes were realy easy…almost to easy. Some of them were so flat that you had to push your way through the slope. Those I didn’t enjoy.
At one point Mitch and I felt a little daring and decided to try a blue slope. Now let me just say there are times in life when you realize more about yourself then you would ever want to know. I discovered I have a great fear of heights than I thought.
So we headed down the blue slope and at first I was thinking “oh! This isn’t that bad, I can do this” then all of the sudden the slope turned left and there in front of me was this realy realy really steep slope. Yes, I panicked. I stopped and started to freak out. Now the sad thing was there we kids buzzing right by me.
Mitch was the brave one and decided to go ahead down the mountain, uhhh, I mean slope. I was frozen I couldn’t move. What do I do? My heart was racing and I was actually panicking. Geezzz, this is ridiculous. I can do this. So I started to go and then I just couldn’t go any more. So I took my skis off and started to walk down the slope. Ski boots and snow don’t mix well so after about the third time I almost toppled over I decided may the best way down would be to sit and skoot down the slope.
OH! YES! It was completely humiliating! Here I was a grown woman and I couldn’t make it down a stupid slope. But I just tucked my head and made it down the slope and didn’t look back.
Later on that day, after another completely humiliating experience, I realized that my fear of heights really does get to me. If I’m skiing down a slope that has a lot of turns and is steep I’m alright, no fear. But when I’m looking straight down a slope and can see the bottom of the slope I freak out. The slope seems much steeper than it really is. My fear is overwhelming. It irritates me to no end that I am scared.
Anyway, we finished off that day and I was exhausted. Ready to go back to the hotel room and relax.
Next day we headed to Boyne Highlands. Much better slopes. The greens weren’t to easy and the few blues I skied on weren’t to hard. It was good. However somewhere on the trip I pulled my inner thigh muscle and by the end of the trip I was hurting. Which ment that I couldn’t run my 6 miles on Sunday and I haven’t been able to run since.
Birthday
And for all of you who didn’t know Sunday was my Birthday….so Happy Birthday to Me. Next year I am planning my own birthday party and inviting everyone. I really miss having a birthday party.
I know I sound so vain but what ever. I was not happy turning 34 I felt so old but maybe because my birthday is not special to me. So I’m hoping that next year I can make it special and something to look forward to.
So call me vain!!!! But
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)