The right fit

Its been a week since I've started my new job and I have to say I am exteremly surprised at how much different things are when you are in the right job.

In my previous position it just didn't click with me. The two and half years I spent in that position was a struggle and every day I woke up tired and regretting the fact I had to go in. There were days I would just sit at my desk in tears questioning whether or not this was worth it. At one point I almost got up and walked out never to return. However reason played in my head and I decided if I wanted to keep the house I just built it would be in my best interest to fight through it. So I did.

 Now I'm in this position that focuses more on the business aspect of stuff and less of the techincal stuff. I LOVE IT! I sit in these meeting and even though I'm still learning, I'm getting it. It's completely clicking and I just get it.

I just met with my manager today and she said that she already received positive feedback for me and knows I'm a perfect fit for this position. She's really excited to have me on board and can't wait to see what I turn this position into. By the way, it's a new position and although they have an idea of what the job will look like they want me to really create the role. It was a really good meeting today. I came out of there so energized and ready to work even harder.

Anyway...it feels so good to be appreciated! And it feels good to actually understand my job as well. LOVING MY JOB!!!!

At what point do you really enjoy life?

Yep, You can tell I've been on vacation a little to long because I'm now starting to think a little to hard.

I've becoming really bored, which is not a bad thing, however I start thinking about life and all the depressing stuff that has no real answer...you know like the meaning of Life.Which is boiled down to the meaning is what you make it and it's not the same for everyone.

Anyway, I was sitting here and started to really think about when I will start really enjoying life? When will I stop stressing over the small stuff? When will it all just start being fun?

I've lost the fun in life some where along the way of building my career, changing homes and stronger self. I stress over everything, I stress over time lines and friends and my relationship and where will I be in 5 years. I stress over if I have the right job, whether or not I said the right thing that one time, what people think about me and if I've made a difference in someones life. I stress about whether or not to have kids or a family or even get married...most of which are completely out of my control but I still worry about it all. I even stress to much about whether or not my house is clean enough, are the dishes put away is the floor clean, will someone judge me because I left a pan on the stove and didn't clean it out right away.

I want to stop worrying so much about everything and just live life. I want to be totally happy with my decisions in life and not second guess myself. I also don't want people to think the traditional way of life is for me either although I don't know. I've never really had the traditional anything. I've always done things ass backwards in life. 

I'm finally feeling excited about my running again...I took a minute and looked at all the upcoming races and I could feel the excite inside my chest for the first time in a long time. Why this, Why running....does it really make me feel that good...I think so.

Then I started to look at volunteer work...and there is was, that excitement again. I really want to volunteer at a children's hospital..I don't know why but I just do. And for the first time I feel like work won't get in the way of my personal life so I think I will be able to do it...give me a purpose in life.

I know I suffer from a mild case of seasonal depression and for the first time I'm actively trying to control it before it hits. Studies have shown that taking large amount of vitamin D will help with depression and I've been taking large amount along with some other vitamins to help maintain a healthy mood. So far I think its working. Come January will be the real test.

OK, I've lost my point somewhere in this posting. I guess I'm trying to stop worrying so much and want to figure out how to just live today and not worry about tomorrow. How do you live in the moment?

Preparing for Hunting Season

As many of you know I hunt pheasant and its the only animal that I hunt. I starting hunting a few years ago and have yet been able to hit one....I never said I was a good shot but I do try:)

Anyway, since I'm off work this week I decided to go to Mitch's for the day and do some practice shooting.

I have to say I'm still not a good shot. I only got one clay out of ....ummmm...well I don't know..alot!  It was a very sad thing to watch. Mitch, of course, hit almost every clay we throw. After watching him I just felt like I was wasting shots but Mitch encouraged me to continue so I did.

I just need to keep practicing maybe one day I will be able to actually hit one.

Then Mitch prepared a pheasant in the crock pot and we had a wonderful dinner. Yesterday was a good day:)

Running again

Last night after watching 2 1/2 hours of the new york marathon I decided that today was the day I was going to start running again and since I'm off work this week there was no timeline pressure so it was perfect. I don't plan on ever doing a marathon but I did enjoy running the 5K and 5Mile races.

So this morning I dusted off my running gear and slid into my cloths. Found my MP3 player and check the battery charge, luckly it was in good shape. Slide my feet into my shoes, tightened up my laces, put on my headphones, turned up the volume and started to run.

It was amazing! The weather was cooler which I prefer and at the end of the run it started to rain. The rain felt so good. I was getting a little warm so the cool rain soothed my skin.

Durning my run I had the chance check out the adjacent neighborhood and run through their walking path. The walking path was probably about 1/4 mile long and really wide. There is a steep hill about mid way through the path which will be good for hill repeats. I'll explore the rest of that neighborhood tomorrow morning.

Ok, really the New York Marathon only reminded me about how good running makes you feel. There are two reasons for starting to run now. First, the annual December Jingle Bell run is coming up soon and I have to run that race. I have about 6 weeks before the race. Second, Ski season is just around the corner and I have to get into shape for that and running is one of the best ways to build endurance.

The Jingle Bell run was the first 5k I ever ran a 12 minute mile in. For those of you who run, a 12 minute mile is a slow pace but not bad for someone who started training 5 weeks before the race. It was a really proud moment for me. So the Jingle Bell Run marks my anniversary for running. I think this is year 4.

Unfortunately I have not been a dedicated runner. I stopped running the first time because I hurt my back, the second time because I shattered my shoulder skiing, the third time becuase I couldn't get past the mental block and yes running is 50% physical and 50% mental. So now I'm on round four, lets hope it will stick with me this time.

Now to plan out all my runs for the season!

Who's There?

So 11pm last night I had just hung up the phone with Mitch and was tucked in bed when out of the darkness my door bell rang.....CRAP!, who is at my front door step at 11pm at night. My very first thought....the EX!!!

So like a coward I picked up the phone and called Mitch back...."Mitch, what should I do?"

OK here's the problem I have with the design of my house...there is no easy way to see who is at the front door step. I don't have a peep hole in my door and my front window is just so that I can't look without being seen. So what should I do?

I stayed put...I hunkered down like a coward and stayed right were I was. And why? Because I didn't have the energy to mess with him. I also didn't know who was at my door step and really who would be ringing my doorbell at 11pm at night except for some phycho?

Then the door bell goes off again...the safest thing I could think of was to just sit there and wait until they left.

Then the knocking began....OK, if I didn't answer the doorbell do you really think I was going to answer a knock?

Then all the sounds stopped. It was silent and dark and I heard nothing. I didn't hear a car door shut or hear a car pull away...So I got up the courage and got out of bed and slowly walked around the house. Carefully looking out the back windows first and making my way to the front door.

Who ever was there was gone now...but odd I didn't hear a car pull away.

Then my little dog ran outside and started to bark so I made my way to the back window and noticed my medium dog staring at the empty lot next to my house. My heart was racing and if this was one of those horror movies I would have ducked my head behind my hands and screamed at the actress not to go outside...but this actress did just that...I poked my head out the door to see what my medium dog was looking at.

And in just that one moment things started to make since.

My little dog, who I'm going to rename magic, came running toward the fence and ran right through it to me. OMG!!! she got out again!!! AGAIN!!! UGH!!!

The knocking at the door was probably to let me know my dog was out running around. My dog chewed through the plastic fencing (its just a temp fence until next spring) and has been running free for God knows how long. She actually ripped the fence....the little shit!

So out to the garage for a fix.....LOVE Zip ties...but once I was done I noticed my dog would be able to get under the fence now. So I grabbed a wire shelf and zip tied it to the plastic fence. I'm sure my HOA would not approve...but what is a girl to do?

So today I'm going to purchase more plastic fencing, chicken wire, zip ties and stakes. I'm going to expand the area, since I'm not putting the fence up until next spring my dogs need more room to run, then I'm going to take the chicken wire and line the plastic fence so little miss magic can't chew through the fence and then I'm going to take the stakes and stake down the bottom of the chicken wire every few inches so she can't dig under it.

Can you tell I'm over it?

I'm hoping this will fix the problem. They are starting construction next to my house and I can't afford for my little dog to bother the workers or worst get hurt by the construction.

I wish I would have just opened the front door and my paranoia would have stopped....this is what happens when some stalks you for 6 years, you trust nothing.

And moving on

I survived my last week at Company B...it wasn't easy and there were several times I wanted to just walk out and say I was done. But I stuck with it and completed my 2 weeks I had promised.

There were several people who said if I was on a different team I might have stayed...which I might have but unfortunately I was on the team I was on. The team was very clickish and reminded me alot of how it was back in high school. Professional was not something the team represented.

I was even shocked when another coworker on a different team told me she tryed to get me on her team but the other team had their claws in me to deep. She thought that highly of me that she wanted me for her team. Believe when I say it was an honor to her respect me enough to request me.

There is a lot of good people I will miss and I'm working "friending" them on LinkIn....or whatever its called.

So now, I've been off of work for two days and I have all of next week off. So far its been great! My stress level is back down to normal. I'm back to sleeping well at night and waking up with the sun.

It's amazing what stress can do to your body, mind and mood. I feel like I just walked out of the dark and into the light. It's a great feeling to be free of the darkness.

Although I'm looking forward to starting my new job I'm also looking forward to relaxing the next week and getting some stuff done around the house or just sitting around being lazy. What ever strikes my fancy:)